| The Illustrated True Story Of What Happened On Second Life, Part-2 |
[May. 12th, 2008|10:03 am] |
Then one day, while wandering around an Anime shopping sim, Kacey saw something in the distance that drew her like a magnet.
The Xanadu building was a completely functional club. Yet it was almost always deserted – just like in the movie. And as she wandered about the place, Kacey felt like the muse in the movie. So she decided right then that this would make her unique character complete. She made her home at Xanadu and became a Second Life muse - venturing to inspire all those she came in contact with to make the most of their talents and potential.
Meanwhile, on the outside internet, my Live Journal, previously a center of Furry Fandom activity, fell silent. Kacey had become such a pleasant and inspiring character to play that I very often had to keep her going more than 48 hours a day. She had friends in all time zones. And no sooner would one log off than another would be entreating her company. And she loved her friends. So she always wanted to be there for them.
More than that she loved the furs she met on Second Life. They were so different from the furs on the outside internet. In SL, Furs were not controversial. They were just neighbors like any other. And they tended to be beautiful of spirit as well as form. So it was through Kacey that all the conflict I had endured from the political types in the fandom had been resolved.
Furries were no longer something I had to hear about second hand. Through Kacey I saw what it was like to live with them, and all the prejudice and uncertainty that X and the other trolls had drummed into me fell away, allowing me to finally achieve total peace with my identity as a Furry.
Thus, whether Kacey was an effective muse for anyone else or not, she was a great source of inspiration and happiness to me.
One day Kacey came into Xanadu and found 2 avatars camping on the dance poles. (Camping, a now discontinued function in SL where you could get paid for keeping your avatar in a certain place for extended lengths of time) One was a friend she had told about the place. And he explained that the other avatar was his alt. By having two avatars on the poles at the same time he could earn twice the money.
At the time I thought the idea of having pay dance poles was to keep the place from looking empty. So I figured 2 avatars per player was good for the club. But, though I had a second avatar I could bring in, I didn’t have 2 computers. The friend then explained to Kacey that 2 computers weren’t necessary. You could just add “-multiple” to the viewer file name and run 2 SL viewers on the same computer.
It was because of this that I got my Perry avatar out of mothballs and transformed it into Perri, thinking of the female offspring of Perry’s that appears later in my saga. My thought being that I might create a muse more like the one in the movie to hang out in Xanadu and earn money while Kacey was out adventuring.
I also gave Perri the ability to transform into Kacey’s twin cousin, making them almost identical, except that Kacey commonly had purple hair, and Perri normally had blue. Though at the time I had no intension of ever putting Perri back into any serious game play. She was just an extra account I happened to have because of a false start.
Kacey met many avatars and had many strange and wonderful adventures in the virtual world. It was a fun game that she never thought about trying to win or advancing her level in. She wasn’t interested in learning to build, starting a business, owning property or any of that. She was just my inner self enjoying a freedom to interact with others it had never had before, while for the first time having its true beauty visible for all to see.
Then one day began what would be the strangest, most beautiful and unfortunately the last of Kacey’s adventures.
She got an IM from a bunny she’d never met before. His name was Eike. He was played by a German military fan who spoke fairly good, but not perfect English. He stated that he needed a bunny wife to live with him in his house. He asked Kacey to visit him there and consider it, effectively proposing to her before they’d even met.
This was weird, even by SL standards. But Kacey felt free to be adventurous at that point and agreed to meet him, if just to be quite sure what was really going on before declining the proposal.
She fully expected she was being invited to participate in something kinky, as there are a lot of kinky things that go on in SL. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d been invited to be somebody’s slave or pet. But she was too independent to be good at such roles. And she did not like to be drawn into situations where she had to fake enthusiasm for things she really didn’t enjoy.
Anyway, Kacey accepted a teleport to Eike’s house. And to her surprise she was greeted by one of the strangest avatars she’d ever seen.
The bunny was totally black. It wore a military uniform of a science fiction nature and sported a Dragon Ball like spiky hair style. This made his facial features almost invisible to Kacey, as dark avatars didn’t show up very well on the small monitor I had back them. Only his eyes were clearly discernible. And as they were bunny eyes, they were, of course, beautiful.
Still, Kacey’s first impression was disappointment. Physically he was not her type. She preferred overtly cute bunny boys of bright color. This meant Eike would not be able to sell himself by virtue of appearance. He would have to have something else to offer that Kacey would find appealing.
But Kacey was, of course, not one to judge people on the basis of appearance. Even though appearance is something one is free to choose in SL. But she reasoned it could be that Eike just had bad taste. That wouldn’t mean he’d be an otherwise unappealing person.
So Kacey simply set appearances aside and inquired what Eike would expect of a wife. He then showed her around his big house. It was quite spacious and comfortable. But to Eike perhaps a bit lonely without a female living in it with him.
To Kacey’s surprise, another female appeared. This was Eike’s former wife who was leaving him for some reason. Yet there seemed no animosity between Eike and this other person. Perhaps she had tired of the role or had acquired new responsibilities that left her no time for what Eike needed.
She looked Kacey over and seemed to approve her as a replacement, like an actress approving someone to take over a role she was leaving.
Ah-ha, thought Kacey. She was being invited into a role play scenario. And was that not the purpose for which she had been created – to learn to role play?
But, of course, Kacey could no more role play than I could. As long as she was being invited to play herself, she’d be fine. If they’d seemed to be asking anything else of her she would have declined. But as they didn’t seem to be asking anything of her that she didn’t think she could do, she continued to show interest.
At first it seemed that they just wanted her to sign on to the role and take over the house. But Kacey said that seemed unnatural and made her feel uneasy. After all, she wasn’t the type to just marry someone she didn’t know. Shouldn’t they have a date or two and get to know each other first?
Eike was quite pleased with this. Possibly Kacey was already playing the role better than her predecessor by acting more like a proper female, which was apparently just what Eike wanted – a proper female who could play out a traditional storybook romance. Such a thing is not easily found in SL.
The other female disappeared, and Eike changed into a tuxedo to take his IM-ordered bride on their first date. Whereupon he whisked Kacey away to a German nightclub where everyone seemed to know Eike and regard him fondly.
The place was of a bit more adult nature than Kacey was accustomed to, but still quite classy. And as Eike requested romantic song after romantic song, the atmosphere was quite conducive to opening Kacey’s heart.
Eike also knew all the romantic dance animations that were available, and Kacey soon realized that this person she had initially taken for a geekish military Anime fan was indeed one of the most romantic souls she’d ever met. A Prince Charming if ever there was one – perfect in every way, except appearance. And even his black, barely discernible features took on an illusion of beauty as Kacey found herself falling for him.
Still, she could not be sure if he was really this way, or just playing a role. But if this was a role he played, he was one hell of a believable actor. But Kacey could not act. She could not emote anything she didn’t feel. She could only assume every feeling he emoted was honest and respond with equally honest reactions.
Finally, as the party at the night club broke up, Eike asked if it was too soon to ask for a kiss. And by this time Kasey was so taken by him she was not about to say no. So Eike took her outside where there was a rock with a kiss animation. And they kissed for quite a while before going back to his house.
There he got her to join him on a cuddle chair where Kacey was lovingly fondled for the rest of that evening, until it was time for Eike to log off. But before he went he asked Kacey if she had made up her mind yet. Would she marry him?
To Eike’s delight, she promised she would.
Kacey moved into Eike’s house, where she found that surprisingly little was asked of her. Romantically, Eike liked to cuddle a lot. He’d cuddle his precious bunny wife through the livelong day if nothing called him away.
Other than that, Eike wanted Kacey to help decorate the house. It needed a woman’s touch, he said. So Eike would take Kacey shopping for furniture and decorations. And he was always very attentive to her ideas.
This apparently was all part of Eike’s ideal fantasy home life, which Kacey gave her all to make wonderful for him, doing her best to keep the illusion solid for both of them. And she was sure that Eike loved her for being so dedicated to living his dream with him.
And, as if to prove that point, every night he would take her out to some exotic place to romance her, as if never wanting to miss an opportunity to insure her heart would belong to him always.
In spite of the constant romance, it was never easy to get Eike talking. English was not his first language, and he apparently hid great insecurity due to previous failed romances in real life.
On one occasion Kacey did get him to open up. And to her anxiety she discovered he was one of those people who insisted on trying to bring his SL romances into real life. He had done this before with bad results. But he had not learned his lesson. And he hoped someday to have Kacey in the real world.
As gently as she could, Kacey tried to explain to him that that was never going to happen. Her player was nothing like her – ugly, overweight, crippled, old, and certainly not a bunny. Her profile was clearly marked, “SL only. No real world contacts.” And, as much as she loved him, that’s how it had to be.
Yet, though Eike claimed to accept this, I’ve always had my doubts that he did. He was such an idealist when it came to romance. Could it be that he was just not able to accept that someone as perfect as Kacey did not exist in real life?
Throughout the rest of their relationship, this would be a bothersome thought in the back of Kacey’s mind. She knew she was just a game character, and that games don’t last forever. Surely at some point Eike would get bored with cuddling, or his player’s life would take a turn that didn’t allow for the daily playing of SL. For that matter, the same could happen to Kacey.
At the time I had unlimited time for giving Kacey life, as my father had just had surgery, and I was needed to be on call constantly. I had no option to be anywhere but near the computer waiting to be buzzed for assistance while not busy doing something for the folks. This also had zapped my concentration for writing. So I was unusually freed from my normal creative responsibilities. But I couldn’t see this situation lasting more than a year. Sooner or later I would have to end this and return to real life.
My hope was that at some point Eike and Kacey would achieve some kind of happily ever after, where we could just say that the two characters stayed together forever and no more playing would be necessary to prove that – preferably before something would happen to tear the 2 characters apart while the resolution of their story was still up in the air. Something ungodly tragic, like Eike getting insistent about dating Kacey in real life through their players, as was the kind of idiocy X was famous for.
Yet, Kacey didn’t feel there was much risk of Eike turning out to be as nutty as X. She was sure Eike understood the meaning of “No” when he heard it.
While the scenario they were playing was just too perfect, offering little possibility for anything but a happy ending. The two characters were both too devoted and true. And they had no enemies to create conflict. Indeed, I could think of no way of advancing their story. It seemed already that they had it all – that Eike’s player and I had already won the game of Second Life. But not so. Eike’s dream was not fulfilled yet. One very important element remained to be acquired.
One day Kacey logged on to find Eike had brought home a little friend – a cute little Anime style cat girl named Ricky with a child avatar. Eike asked Kacey if it was alright with her if they adopted the little girl.
This was the first time Kacey had met a child avatar, and she was concerned about the proprieties of the situation. So, while interviewing the child, Kacey said she had to break one of her most guarded rules and ask some basic info about Ricky’s player. Specifically, was the player of adult age? Because, if the player was not of adult age, any sheltering of the child from the more adult aspects of SL would need to be no pretense.
Fortunately, Ricky’s player didn’t mind sharing that her player was a 26 year old German truck driver, who again knew English only as a second language. Kacey was satisfied with this and said she would put the information out of her head, once again setting forth to both Ricky and Eike that the continuity of the game was the only thing she wanted her consciousness focused on.
She accepted avatars as they appeared, per the official SL game instructions. Therefore she would see Ricky only as a child, and react to her only as a child. And she expected the same of her fellow players for herself. She would be seen as she was projected into the game. She did not want any focus on her player distracting her from living her second life independently of her player’s realities.
This was agreed upon by all players, and Ricky was adopted into the family.
Ricky was the best child avatar I’ve encountered in 5 years of playing SL. In that time my characters have adopted numerous child avatars, but they have all been quick to move on, unable to separate the adult interest of their players from their child characters, or outright fetishists who focused solely on things that got their players off.
Ricky was rare because she was played as a total child with a child’s innocence. If the game gave her player any kind of fetish thrill, she never let it show. And because of this, it was easy for Kacey to accept and love Ricky as her child.
As far as my character was concerned, this little family and home were her reality. And she was completely devoted to them.
For myself in the real world, it was still a game – an experiment in learning how to role play with full commitment to character, and I also looked on it as a soap opera that one follows daily, sharing the lives and adventures of the characters as they go through their little trials and happinesses. It was never, ever, thought of as any kind of replacement for, or infringement on, my real world relationship.
I was still every bit as devoted to X as I’d ever been. Indeed, I had every belief that the experience I was acquiring would lead to X and I building a sim of our own where we would share the role play which X insisted was essential to the continuation of our relationship.
Unfortunately, my father was going in for hip replacement surgery at this time, the house pretty much had to be rebuilt so that wheel chairs and walkers could be used, my mother was suffering from a respiratory disorder, my aunt and cousin were both in the process of dying, and I had to move my computer down into the dining room so that I could be on call constantly in case any of the old folks needed help. There just was no time or mental capacity left for dealing with X’s daily non-sense.
Truly, I was only able to keep Second Life going because Eike was such a cuddler. SL did not require my full attention most of the time. I would just leave Kacey sitting on a cuddle pose or in a dance animation with Eike while I was up and down tending to the needs of the people who were supposed to be most important to me. Kacey could talk with Eike and Ricky during lulls in my real life action, and nobody thought it at all unusual if Kacey’s player was AFK (away from keyboard) much of the time.
It wasn’t really possible to do that with X. Writing responses to X’s drama required tons of unbroken concentration. But if I said anything to the effect that I don’t have time for this right now, it always went back to X screaming that I had to put real life on the back burner and be attentive to all these role play love affairs X was involved in that had long become too screwy for me to follow.
Love affairs with other characters and the people behind them that I was gracious enough to never be jealous of. I was just happy X had friends and didn’t need to feel alone when I couldn’t be there. But you’d never have known that from the way X ranted and raved about being neglected.
To make matters worse, the new character X was channeling, Larxene from Kingdom Hearts, was heartless . . . literally. I doubt that, even if I had played that game, I would have been able to think of ways to placate such a character.
Plus, now that X was suddenly a woman, that meant I was required to become a man. Suddenly X was demanding that I had to be acting like one of those long haired, deep voiced Japanese game characters fan girls like to drool over. And though I momentarily considered trying to force that indignity on myself, in my heart I knew that just was so not me, and that I’d never be able to play such a role convincingly.
It got to a point where I was putting X on hold for the first time in 13 years of unwavering devotion, hoping against hope that this Larxene phase would pass and X would start channeling a character I could love again.
But that never happened. And all I heard for months was, if I didn’t care that Larxene had a happy day trolling the journal of some other Kingdom Hearts character I’d never heard of, that meant I didn’t care about X.
Well, I couldn’t admit it then, but I can now. I did not know this Larxene. I did not admire this Larxene. This Larxene scared me. And though I wouldn’t come right out and say it for fear of hurting X’s feelings, I just did not have the capacity to care if Larxene was having a good time making other people on the net miserable. I can’t imagine any rational human being that would.
But then, that was the whole thing with our relationship. I wasn’t supposed to be rational. I was supposed to be just as crazy as X. But I simply could not keep up with X’s level of insanity. And horror of all horror’s, X’s insanity seemed contagious to everyone but me. In fact, it might truly be said this business was driving me sane.
Soon I started getting messages from Live Journal friends who were viewing X’s journal, which I was locked out of, by the way, demanding that I break up with X because I was such a neglectful SO who didn’t deserve someone like X.
I could not see what X was writing to inspire my friends to leave these messages. But I just passed it off with the usual, “X is just ranting and blowing off steam. Don’t take it seriously.”
But they would not accept this and returned even more angry with the “You clueless idiot” comments. And more, “Give more time to X” comments. To which I could only respond, “Do you not read my journal? Do you not know everything I’m going through at the moment? Where do you expect me to get this time?”
Well, actually, I figured my plan to get X on SL would be the solution to that time problem. And if that didn’t do the trick, I had no idea where to go from there.
I was by now into my second year in SL, and had surely mentioned it to X many times. But X would always dismiss it as a program X’s computer didn’t have the video card to play.
This would leave me feeling like, “Our relationship depends on a video card? Go out and buy one, if you really care about this stuff so much.” But I had by this time become well accustomed to the fact that X would not do anything just because I suggested it. I knew I’d have to buy the video card, and probably have to pay to have it installed. X wasn’t about to pay for anything I could be soaked for. And the relationship was worth enough to me to pay. So I had no doubt I’d be getting X on SL eventually.
But none of this found its way into Kacey’s world. There everything was total peace and happiness – domestic bliss that would be almost impossible to achieve outside of a fairy story. And I suppose it was somewhat therapeutic for the turmoil that was going on in my real world. Yet, cracks were beginning to show.
Kacey was out with her little family shopping for furniture for Ricky’s room, and play sets for the yard. Suddenly Kacey stopped moving abruptly. Her life force was suddenly divided as my screen filled with IM’s, Real Life and Second Life clashing, both demanding my mental resources at the same time.
Somehow both Eike and Ricky perceived Kacey’s agitation and unnatural desperation. The mind of Kacey’s player was showing the first signs of cracking under the pressure coming at it from so many different worlds. Not just Real Life and Second Life. But also the world of Furry Fandom on the outside internet, which was in turmoil at the time, and whatever one might call that world that exists in X’s head. It was all too much for one mind to process and hold together at one time. My anxiety and blood pressure levels were rising, and the headaches ensued.
Yet this momentary breakdown was quickly overcome, and I was able to carry on. And for the most part, Eike and Ricky never knew if Kacey’s player was in distress. Though there were one or two times when it really couldn’t be hidden. I compensated for this by deciding when Kacey’s player had a cold, Kacey would have a cold.
Ironically, or humorously, depending on your point of view, the day Kacey had a bad cold was the day Eike decided to take the family out horseback riding. She’d urge her horse forward a few steps and then stop to sneeze.
Several times her concerned family suggested that she log off and get some rest. But Kacey wasn’t about to miss that special day. So she stuck it out.
As is a common problem in SL, particularly among players in different countries, there were time scheduling conflicts that prevented the little family from being together. Ricky was often alone with one parent or the other. Or just alone.
Kacey would often log on to find the child calmly waiting for her on a branch of the tree swing.
Then they would go off exploring together, as Kacey was not one of those SL characters that was content to just sit around and waste time that could be used to make beautiful memories with.
And sometimes they’d sit down and talk to each other, usually about SL matters. Kacey and Ricky never talked much about RL. Yet it seemed they had a good relationship in the game and were quite fond of each other. One of those rare instances where SL functioned perfectly as it was created to do, providing what seemed a true second life
There was only one occasion when Ricky said anything that greatly disturbed Kacey.
Ricky: Mommy, I don’t like that man over there.
Kacey: Why, dear?
Ricky: He’s saying in IM’s he wants to do bad things to me.
Kacey: o_0 *holds Ricky tight* Don’t worry, sweetheart. Mommy’s here to protect you.
One thing Ricky talked to Kacey about was her disappointment in her previous SL family. Stuff had happened which left Ricky feeling insecure. And Kacey was determined to provide Ricky with a feeling of security. Thus it was essential to what Kacey was promising that she never break up with Eike over anything idiotic.
Normally no character of mine would feel secure in making such a promise. But Kacey had so much confidence in Eike’s dedication to the sim and its resident family that Kacey ventured to promise, having no idea how much she would later regret it.
You see, because Kacey did not know Ricky’s player, she had no way of knowing how important Ricky’s security was to her player. She had no idea how much of the game was just a game, or how much might be therapy for real world wounds. Thus Kacey believed there was some possibility of Ricky losing a lot more than a game if things were ever to blow up. And she strove with all her heart to avoid that for Ricky’s sake.
Things were not helped when Eike suddenly announced his intension to adopt another child. From what Ricky had said, Kacey felt certain that another child stealing attention would undermine Ricky’s sense of security. Eike seemed to be oblivious to such things and didn’t understand why he should be denied anything he wanted in his own house. Yet Kacey was the homemaker in his vision of this sim. He would not go against her intuition.
So Ricky remained an only child and was never left feeling unloved.
Though there was a time when Ricky disappeared for a while. Real life intruded and she was not able to log on for some time. Whenever she could steal a moment to log in, if no one was there she would leave little cards hanging on the fence to let her family know she was missing them.
Continue To Part-3 |
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