| Personal Update |
[Apr. 2nd, 2012|11:27 pm]
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To those who are wondering why I stopped posting for a while, it has to do with both health and creative issues.
It’s just one thing after another these days health wise. Among other things I spent months fighting pneumonia, developed gout and was crippled for a while, and then this piece of glass that had been sewn up in my forehead after the car crash 15 years ago decided to make a nuisance of itself. I was told I’d have to get a plastic surgeon to cut it out. But it took so long to get seen by a plastic surgeon that the thing extracted itself.
It was a half inch long shard of windshield which left a nice round hole in the center of my forehead. Yep, of all the things I have that I don’t need, I now have the proverbial hole in the head. Though a hole in the head is actually preferable to walking around for weeks with a sharp piece of glass sticking out of your forehead.
Then, just as I was starting to feel good about getting rid of the glass without surgery, my Email got hacked. And now everyone’s telling me I have a virus. And I’ve no idea how to deal with that. *sigh* Does it ever end?
I’m tired of being a walking ball of stress. Guess I’ll have to wait till I’m dead to be able to relax. But then, it’ll be just my luck that somebody will tax my cloud, or the afterlife will be full of fandoms that won’t be able to do without the stuff I packed into my memory banks on Earth.
That actually is my most dreaded thought about death. What if they’re wrong and you can actually take it all with you? I’d hate to be dead and still not be able to get any decent sleep.
Anyway, let’s just say that under the stress of all this and everything else that’s been going on, I very often don’t have the capacity to worry about coming up with regular posts for the journal and have to let it slide for a while.
What little capacity for creativity I can muster these days is going into writing plots for upcoming Spectral Shadows episodes. Seems a couple of friends from Second Life wrote themselves into the cast, which made an already confused jumble of story arcs even more confused. And I can’t continue the series until I get all these story threads in their proper order. But, I will do it. I am determined.
In addition to all this I am turning 50 tomorrow and having quite a bit of anxiety over it. It’s that feeling that the time for fooling around has ended, and if I want to accomplish anything in my life I’d better get serious about it. Though it is really the anxiety over time running out on me that buggers up my creativity.
Never the less I am feeling like I need to back off of any other pursuits I’ve got going and get this writing done. So during those periods where you don’t see me for a while, I’m either laid up with some illness or shutting the world out so I can focus on the writing.
It’s weird, you know. Most writers have to deal with people telling them their stuff is no good and they ought to get a real job. I don’t get that. Everyone seems to think what I do is so special and unique that it would be just too tragic if I didn’t finish it. And while it makes me feel good to hear praise like that, it adds to the weight of my fear of time.
I feel I am in the ring with time, and time has been beating me up for 50 years. If I’m ever going to start fighting back, now would be good.
But, anyway, that’s what’s been going on with me. I haven’t left. But I’ll only be posting when something turns up that I want to share, or when I have an accomplishment to announce. I won’t be spending entire days surfing YouTube for things to post, and I won’t be hanging out on Second Life unless there’s some specific event I’m needed for, or someone wants to meet me there for some reason.
I do love just hanging out with friends on SL, but I can’t work very well while doing that. And worrying about the time I’m wasting there is just driving me up a wall. But I’m always there in spirit, and if anyone needs to contact me they can reach me just as easy as if I were there by sending an off-line message on SL or on Yahoo Messenger or via E-mail.
I’m still around, just probably not going to be quite as visible as I used to be. |
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| Comments: |
*Hugs tight* For whatever it might be worth, I'm always here if you need me. It's good to hear from you again, too, though I'm sorry things have been so tough for you lately.
As for turning 50, well first of all, I hope you have a happy birthday in spite of all your worries. Secondly, I know several people whose lives have really taken off after fifty, or sixty, so you never know what the future might hold. I only hope that you will be happy, not matter what happens, and that you will remember there are those who care for you.
I'm really sad to hear all that crap you had to go through. I remember you telling me about the pnemonia, and the gout, but the hole on your forehead and the glass..yowtch. I really hope that things get better for you and less stressful. You seem like a good person and I'd hate for your last days to be a stress-fest :(
Heck, the day the doctor tells me I have 30 days to live will begin the biggest stress fest of all. Constant worrying about who's going to get all the stuff I've amassed in my lifetime. And then finally on the last day the wretched performance anxiety - worrying about am I playing the big death scene right. I'll probably die swearing that I missed a cue.
Sounds funny, but my whole life has been like that. Waiting forever for the greatly anticipated scenes in life to come up, worrying my way through them, hoping I’d get them right, and forever after remembering nothing but the parts I got wrong, because everything I get wrong is such a traumatic anxiety trip.
I suppose along the way I’ve managed to get a few scenes right. It would be nice if the scenes I got right left as much of an impression.
That is a LOT to deal with... 8| .... Good to know what's been happening though, and glas it seems to be easing off now.... so, happy birthday! The start of better times again...!
Sorry you've had so much trouble Perri. *hugs*
Dang. That is a lot! 50's young. Add 3 to that and you're me. It's just a number anyway. The only reason it's a milestone is that our number system is in base 10.
It's always good reading posts from you, but I know we all need to balance our time with things. So I won't worry, but I'll know you're there. That is good news about the glass BTW. *hug*
*gently hugs* I'm always here if you want to talk or need support ^_^
I feel I am in the ring with time, and time has been beating me up for 50 years. If I’m ever going to start fighting back, now would be good.
This resonates a lot with me.
Sorry you're dealing with all this crap.
I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult time.
My email contact list was hijacked last week, due to Facebook I believe. Change your password, along with any other accounts that might use the same password, and see if that helps. Look for other hints online.
And happy birthday, young'un! Just remember, someday you'll look back and wish you were only 50 again... ;o) | |
symphonic_rp
optimistic